


Never Gonna Give You Up

by ladyamesindy



Series: Serafina Shepard [8]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Assisted Suicide, Death, F/M, assisted death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25207636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyamesindy/pseuds/ladyamesindy
Summary: After years spent together righting the galaxy's wrongs, Shepard and Kaidan fight their biggest battle yet.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: Serafina Shepard [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/39980
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	Never Gonna Give You Up

**Author's Note:**

> I have had this piece in mind for so many years now and it finally decided to cooperate and get put down on paper. I think I've needed their end to be written so I can get back to writing their story, but even though I know this must happen for them, I'm still a sobbing mess! 
> 
> NOTE: Yes, I am using a Rick Astley song. Why? Because I grew up in the ‘80s and I LOVED it. Also, because his album helped me through a rough semester while studying abroad in Paris, France when I was in college. Everyone else may make jokes about him and his songs, but you won’t find them here. Plus, it's hard to argue with a Shepard who truly believes it!

The day begins like every other; Shepard and Kaidan rise after some last minute snuggles and prepare for the day. She showers while he shaves, he showers while she puts on her ‘Councilor face.’ Once dressed, they share breakfast together, look over the latest news, and head out the door side by side. Like they’ve been doing it for years, which they have.

Only, today something is different, off. A tightness around General Alenko’s eyes, as if he’s fighting back pain. Shepard doesn’t think much of it at first. After all, his migraines still exist, even all these years later and no matter what Miranda and Dr. Chakwas have done to help. Shepard says nothing, but their eyes meet in the mirror; he knows she is aware.

That evening, they share a quiet meal together. Shepard regales him with a story from the Council; Wrex’s latest attempts to convince them to add a krogan on the Council. Kaidan smiles, offers a half-laugh, but otherwise is silent. As they sit in front of the fire, Shepard gently massages the area around his implant. Her touch has helped occasionally in the past, and the smile that crosses his lips as the lines around his eyes smooth out is well worth any discomfort from the awkward position. When they go to bed, she breathes a sigh of relief.

By the end of the week, Shepard marks her calendar. Four days in a row; the migraine returns no matter the attempts to ease them, he finds no real relief. She decides if it isn’t gone by the end of a full week, she will call the doctor and convince him to go in. He can be stubborn when he wants to be, but neither of them are young anymore. There is also the potential for a more troubling cause behind the issue, and she needs the reassurance. In the meantime, she loses herself in work, in visiting with their children and grandchildren, and savoring whatever time she and he can find together. 

The doctor is unable to determine the cause of the headaches. The best he can do is fall back on the regimen that Dr. Michel suggested during the Reaper War. Kaidan grimaces at the memories, makes some comment about ‘foul tasting concoctions,’ but doesn’t argue. That alone tells Shepard a great deal. The doctor’s assistant hands them a datapad with instructions and information as they leave. The drive home is in silence, and for the first time since they married, he doesn’t hold her hand. 

A note is added along with the dot.

Within two weeks, Shepard summons Miranda to stop by the next time she is on the Citadel. Miranda, sensing trouble behind the words, arrives at Councilor Shepard’s office the next day. Shepard suspends her schedule for ‘closed consultations’ with her friend in which she shares her observations, worries and concerns. When they head home that evening, Miranda is on watch; throughout the visit, she takes copious notes. She leaves two days later with the whispered promise to Shepard, “I’ll be in touch.” 

It becomes clear after less than two months that the doctor’s return to Dr. Michel’s regimen isn’t working. The pain is a constant presence now; Kaidan can’t hide it, even if he wants to. Moments of temporary respite are more of a challenge to find, and his behavior changes in new ways. His temper is shorter. His biotics flare unexpectedly and uncontrollably. 

Even the smallest of things will set him off. Shepard drops a bottle in the kitchen that shatters across the floor while Kaidan sits at the table nearby. He jumps to his feet, dark energy oozing off his fingertips as he spins around toward her, seemingly about to attack. He shouts at her, his eyes fierce and threatening, and for just a moment she knows fear. Still, even at her age she is able to defend herself without hurting him –N7 training is second nature to her, after all – and when she releases him, he is under control again. They spend the evening in each other’s arms, apologizing, crying, eventually falling asleep together in bed and hoping for a better day in the morning. 

When Kaidan wakes, he has no memory of what happened.

Another note is added.

Over the next several months, the situation gradually worsens. More notes are added; all are forwarded to Miranda who works with her sister to determine what can be done. Shepard hopes for a resolution, but deep inside, she is aware her worst fears are becoming reality. For the first time since their marriage, she hesitates. She has a choice to make, the tough call. Years ago, they set up contingency plans for this very situation; she knows what to do, though it chills her to her core to think that she may now have to act upon it. _Let’s see what Miranda and Oriana come up with first._ It is small consolation, but it buys her time.

Meanwhile, Shepard makes plans of her own.

At the end of six months, Miranda and Oriana arrive and Shepard spends yet another day in ‘closed consultations.’ The news is, as she feared, not good.

“It’s the L2 implant,” Oriana explains quietly.

Shepard sits back in her desk chair. She appears dwarfed by the piece of furniture as the reality of her situation now stares her in the face. “We all knew that going in, I think,” she acknowledges.

Miranda has her eyes close upon her friend and she cannot or will not mask the depth of her concern. “Shepard, we could –.”

Shepard waves a hand to silence her. “Nothing can be done,” she replies, looking over at Oriana who reluctantly nods. A specialist in the field of biotic implants, she has spent the years since the Reaper War investigating the L2s and what could be done for those who still have them; a number that rapidly diminishes over that same span of time. The last Shepard checked, some years ago, Kaidan was one of six still living. “How many are left now?”

Miranda and Oriana share a look. “He is the only one,” Oriana admits.

Shepard rises, wanders over to look out the window of her office. The view of the Presidium is beautiful as always, but she doesn’t see it. Not anymore. The time has come and she can no longer ignore making the tough call. It isn’t like she has no experience; her resume is filled with them. But this one is different. Personal. Then again, Kaidan has been at home, unable to work for almost four months. His quality of life has diminished so much that she _dreams_ of this moment on an almost nightly basis now.

Turning to face them, she says, “Three more days.”

Miranda walks over to her, gives her a hug. “We’ll be here, Shepard.”

That night at home, Shepard relieves the Alliance medic Allied Command assigned to help watch over Kaidan during his illness. She sits on the bed beside him, takes his hand in hers and asks, “Would you like to see the children, Kaidan?”

He is half asleep, partly due to the painkillers he takes, but he does respond. “That would be nice.”

She sends messages to Ashleigh, Mikhail, David and Kaysey; each reply that they will be there with their families at the appointed time. She then sends messages to their extended family; Cortez, Vega, Jack, Tali and Garrus respond with assurances they will be there. The rest is already in writing. 

Lying down beside her husband, Shepard snuggles close to him and sings their song softly. The smile that curves on his lips breaks her heart. Once he is asleep, she rises again and sends a third message, this time to Miranda.

Shepard spends the next day at her office putting her affairs in order. She speaks to each of the Councilors regarding her upcoming absence; Tevos understands all too easily and promises that her choice of replacement will be fine. They part minutes later with a hug and a softly whispered good-bye. Shepard does not look back.

On the way home, Shepard meets Miranda in Zakera Ward. Like the rest of the Citadel, it has been rebuilt, right down to the Japanese noodle stand that Kasumi likes so much. Miranda has a pot of hot green tea waiting when she arrives. For a long moment, they sit in companionable silence and drink. 

“Shepard, are you sure about this?” Miranda asks quietly when the subject can be avoided no longer.

Slowly, Shepard nods. “I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life.”

The appointed day arrives; the bedroom fills with family. Shepard greets each with a hug of welcome. The room, as large as it is, is almost too small to hold them all, but she will not deny any of them. 

“Today is a day of remembrance,” she announces as she takes a seat on the bed beside her husband. Her hand slides around Kaidan’s, lacing his fingers with hers as her eyes meet everyone present. He rests, no acknowledgement of their presence. “Long ago, Kaidan and I planned for such a moment.” She blinks back tears but her voice chokes up as she is unable to hide the inevitable display of emotion. A soft shuffle of steps, a strong hand at her shoulder. Shepard glances up to Urdnot Bakara and manages a smile. “And though we will be parted,” she continues, “know that we are always together.” 

No longer able to speak, she nods at her eldest. Ashleigh and Liam approach, take a few moments with Kaidan and then Shepard, before retreating for Mikhail and Liara. David and Maddy follow, then Kaysey and Connor. Once the children and their families say goodbye, Shepard nods at the others. Each takes a turn to say goodbye before stepping aside for the next. The line ends with Miranda who remains next to Shepard and nods at Oriana who approaches.

As Oriana is occupied with Kaidan, Shepard looks up at Miranda. “Miri, thank you,” she whispers, “for all you have done for us throughout the years.”

Miranda struggles against tears and can only nod in reply.

“Shepard,” Oriana says quietly as she steps back, “it’s done.”

She looks over at Oriana with a smile. “Thank you, Ori.” She climbs up onto the bed and situates herself next to her husband. She lies there for a time, holding him, singing softly to him, ignoring the tears that roll down her cheeks. When his breath becomes labored, she murmurs, “Now, Miri.”

There is a moment of hesitation, but Miranda steps forward. Their eyes meet; she does not speak the words, but it’s clear in her eyes she is asking if Shepard is sure. Shepard smiles and nods. Beneath her touch, Kaidan’s breath catches, releases. Her hand moves to his wrist, feels the hint of a pulse. “Now, please,” she begs.

Miranda lifts her arm, triggers open the omni-tool, presses a button and swipes along the length of Shepard’s body.

Kaidan’s soft rasp fills Shepard’s ear as she lies with her head on his shoulder as the change begins. For so long, she has relied upon the implants to keep her heart pumping, her lungs moving, her blood flowing. With them deactivated, she discovers it doesn’t hurt nearly so much as she was afraid it might. 

Kaidan releases one last, burbling breath in her ear. She tilts her head so she can see his face for the last time. Fighting for focus and breath, she inhales and in one last whisper near his ear, she promises, “I’m never gonna give you up, my love …”


End file.
